The Crisis Pregnancy Centers | Sexual Health

Reasons to Wait

"I can't go back and change the past. I wish I had waited."

Every time you have sex, regardless of whether it's your first time or not, you are placing yourself in a dangerous situation that could change your life forever. That is why one study reported that over half of all teens that had sex at least once reported that they wish they had waited.

The only truly "safe sex" is to save sex until you are in a committed, lifelong relationship such as marriage. There are at least six compelling reasons to wait until marriage before engaging in sexual activity. They are: (1) the risk of contracting a sexually transmitted infection, (2) the risk of unplanned pregnancy, (3) condoms are an unreliable protection against disease and pregnancy, (4) sex is powerfully bonding, (5) sex outside of marriage is damaging to relationships, and (6) the many significant rewards offered to those who wait.

Let's briefly though carefully examine each one of these reasons to save sex for marriage.

Risk of Infection

more sex = more risk

The straightforward truth is that if you choose to have sex you are placing yourself (and your partner) at risk of catching a sexually transmitted infection (STI). The more sex you have, the more risk of infection you create.

In the U.S. today, well over 70 million people are now infected by a STI. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) have reported that now 85 percent of the most prevalent infectious diseases in the United States are sexually transmitted. The rate of STIs in this country is 50 to 100 times higher than that of any other industrialized nation. One in four sexually active Americans (possibly more) will be affected by an STI at some time in his or her life.

In addition, about 20 million new STI cases occur in the United States each year. Almost half of those occur in someone between the ages of 15 and 24.

STIs can have very painful long-term consequences as well as immediate health problems. They can cause:

birth defects
blindness
bone deformities
brain damage
cancer
heart disease
infertility and other abnormalities of the reproductive system
mental retardation
death

Thirty years ago, people only worried about two STDs—syphilis and gonorrhea. Today, there are at least 25, and many of them have no symptoms and no cure.

To get more information about STIs, click here.

Risk of Unplanned Pregnancy

The choice to have sex brings with it the responsibility of becoming a parent. Regardless of whatever form of birth control you use, every time you have sex you risk getting pregnant (or getting someone else pregnant).

If you're not ready to be pregnant, you're not ready for sex.

Neither condoms nor birth control pills nor any other form of contraceptive are 100 percent effective in preventing pregnancy. In a single moment your life can change forever.

According to recent studies, one out of every three females in the U.S. gets pregnant at least once before the age of 20.¹ This results in over 800,000 teen pregnancies every year.² Three out of every ten of these pregnancies ends in abortion.³ Nonmarital, teenage pregnancies are life-changing for the mother, father, child, extended family, and society as a whole. Teenage parents are more likely than other teens to⁴:

drop out of school
have additional out-of-wedlock children
change jobs
be on welfare
have mental and physical health problems

Children born to teenage parents are at greater risk for⁵:

low birth weight
lower cognitive scores
school failure
becoming teenage parents themselves
incarceration
drug abuse

Condoms Are Unreliable Prevention

Condoms provide insufficient and unreliable protection against infection and pregnancy. The truth is, even if you use a condom every time you have sex, you're still at risk of becoming pregnant or getting an STI. It is alarming to consider that, especially given the widespread distribution of condoms and education regarding condom use in the U.S., there are still over 70 million people suffering the destructive consequences of STIs today (with 20 million more added to that number each year, almost half of whom are teenagers).

What we are not typically told is that condoms have the highest pregnancy rate among the most common methods of birth control. But they do. Typical use results in 15 out of 100 users getting pregnant each year. And teens have a higher failure rate than adults.

About 3 out of every 20 couples using condoms to avoid pregnancy end up pregnant anyway within the first year of use.

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) gathered the information from many different, rigorous scientific studies performed to determine the effectiveness of condoms in preventing STIs and unplanned pregnancies. Here is what they found:

There is no clinical proof that condoms are effective in reducing the risk of infection from chlamydia, genital herpes, HPV, syphilis, chancroid or trichomoniasis. Some protection was found for men against gonorrhea infection, but not for women. Condoms were found to reduce the risk of HIV/AIDS transmission during vaginal sex by 85% when used consistently (every time a person has sex, without exception) and "correctly" (following a specific 6 step procedure). ⁶

What this means is that even using condoms 100 percent of the time still leaves a 15 percent risk of HIV infection, the virus that causes AIDS, a routinely fatal disease.

Correct and consistent condom use can reduce (but not eliminate) your risk of getting most STIs. "Consistent condom use" (which means always wearing a condom and always putting it on properly, according to a six step method) during vaginal sex reduces your risk for:

HIV by 85%
Gonorrhea by about 50%
Chlamydia by about 50%
Herpes by about 50%
Syphilis by about 50%
HPV by 50% or less

As you can see, even with "consistent condom use" you are still at risk of catching most STIs about half the time and every 15 out of a 100 people having sex with a condom still get HIV. (Very few studies have been done to see whether condoms reduce the risk of STIs, including HIV, during oral or anal sex.)

What is meant by "consistent" condom use? Consistent condom use means using a condom 100 percent of the time during every sex act. Few individuals actually manage to use condoms consistently and correctly for any length of time. Typical condom use is inconsistent. Studies have shown that even in couples in which one partner is known to be infected with HIV, consistent use was attained by only 45 percent of the participants.

How do teens fare? A study conducted over a period of six months found that "always" condom use was reported by adolescent females only 13 percent of the time. In another study, just 50 percent of females reported consistent condom use. Generally, adolescent males report slightly more condom use than females.

Unfortunately, inconsistent use provides little to no risk reduction for most STIs. According to a National Institutes of Health panel on condom effectiveness, even if 100 percent consistent condom use could be attained, it would not totally eliminate the risk of acquiring any sexually transmitted infection, including HIV.

Sex Creates a Permanent Bond

More than just for procreation and pleasure, sex is designed to unite two human beings and create a "one flesh" bond between them that is to last for life. Simply put: sex takes two and makes them one. Once a couple is joined in this way, they are bonded together so intimately and strongly that to separate them causes unnatural ripping and tearing. Many of you who have had a sexual relationship with someone you are no longer with know the pain of this separation. As much as our culture tries to make sex an everyday and "casual" experience, the reality is that the powerful uniting force created by sexual intimacy always takes a piece of the couple with it when they "break up." In fact, "break up" they do—emotionally, physically, spiritually.

"I wish I had waited."

So there are good reasons to save sex for marriage other than just the risks involved physically. These have to do with your feelings and memories, with your heart and mind. Because sex is a powerful act that creates a strong and intimate bond between two people that was never intended to be broken, when it is separated from commitment and faithfulness serious damage results. The intimate bond of unity created by sex is so strong that to break it always tears the heart.

Sex Outside of Marriage Damages Relationships

"Since I first gave in and had sex with my boyfriend it suddenly began to take over our relationship. Whenever we got together we were physical with each other. All we do is have sex now. We don't even talk anymore." (16 year-old female)

Studies show that sex outside of marriage actually damages the relationship, not improves it. Like a fire that has been kindled in your living room instead of the fireplace, sex becomes a good gift gone bad because it bonds two people who haven't completely committed themselves to be faithful to each other like one does in marriage. As the fire will soon burn your house down, sex outside of marriage will soon destroy your relationship.

Consider the following testimony of a male reflecting on his relationships in college:

Sex has killed my best relationships.

For example, I had a college sweetheart, the girl of my dreams. With her, there was never a dull moment. We totally "clicked." We waited for awhile, then, through my initiation, we started having sex.

Sex soon became the focus of our relationship. I stopped wanting to get to know her on any other level. And so, instead of growing closer together, we actually started drifting apart.

That's what I mean by "sex killed my best relationships." People can relate on many different levels—emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually. But when my girlfriend and I started relating mostly physically, it short-circuited the other parts of our relationship. As a result, the relationship as a whole started to go south. We might still be together today if we (I) had waited.

I've seen this happen with countless relationships . . . And I think there's a reason for this . . . Sex before marriage ruins the other parts of the relationship.

For me, two things happened once I had sex with a girl . . . 1) I lost respect for the girl (even though I didn't want to); and 2) she began to mistrust me (even though she didn't want to).

I don't know why this happened, I just know that it did. Maybe it's just built into "the system." But one thing's for sure: I'm not alone. I've seen it happen over and over again. I know many people having marital problems because they engaged in premarital sex. They go into the marriage with lack of respect and lack of trust, two absolute necessities for the health of any marriage. . . . It's very sad, and more common than you might think. But nobody talks about this kind of thing in public. And the movie and TV portrayals of couples having sex before marriage never present it either. It's like no one wants to acknowledge that it's happening, even though it is.⁷

But this is not just the subjective feelings or opinions of one whose college relationship failed. There is scientific research currently being conducted that is revealing data in support of this idea. Dr. Eric James Keroack, deputy assistant secretary for Health and Human Services, has found through research that teenage sexual activity blunts the brain's ability to develop emotional relationships. Comparing sex to drug use, he said the hormone produced by the brain after orgasm, oxytocin, will eventually diminish a person's ability to form emotional attachments. Keroack said premarital sex can lead to overproduction of oxytocin. [His] 2001 paper for Abstinence Medical Council . . . concluded: "People who have misused their sexual faculty and become bonded to multiple persons will diminish the power of oxytocin to maintain a permanent bond with an individual. . . . Just as in heroin addiction . . . the person involved will experience 'sex withdrawal' and will need to move on to a . . . new sex playmate."⁸

Abstaining from sexual activity now is an investment of trust and respect in your most important and intimate future relationship—the one with your husband or wife.

For more on how brain development impacts sexual behavior, click here.

The Surpassing Rewards of Abstinence

Consider the many and significant rewards of choosing to remain abstinent until marriage. Sex was created by God as a gift to married couples, and as such it brings tremendous pleasure, the amazing opportunity to bring forth children into the world, and an intimate bond of "oneness" to the couple. It is truly a gift worth waiting for.

It's risk free and costs nothing
Sex is worth waiting for
You are worth waiting for
Your future spouse is worth waiting for
AIDS doesn't discriminate—anyone can become infected
STIs are increasing, and many have no symptoms and no cure
Condoms are an unreliable prevention against STIs and pregnancy
It increases self-respect
Virginity is a beautiful gift to be given, not an embarassing label to be lost
It encourages commitment and faithfulness
Your future spouse will thank you
Self-control is more effective than birth control at avoiding pregnancy
Babies need a lot more love than most people are ready to give
Character counts as the measure of your reputation
It offers no risks for the present and no regrets for the future
What you decide today determines what life will be like for you tomorrow
The only "safe sex" is to save sex for marriage
God offers his blessing and help to those who save sex for marriage

To read more about the health and happiness to be found in the choice of abstinence, click here.

Conclusion

Maybe you've already had sex and so you feel abstinence is something that doesn't apply to you. One of the greatest lies circulating today goes something like this, "Since I've already had sex, it doesn't matter what I do anymore." Nothing could be further from the truth. The more sex you have the greater risk you run of catching an STI or getting pregnant, and the more bonded you become and the more memories you create with another that when broken will leave enduring scars on your heart and mind.

Many, many people who have had sex previously and then have come to see the wisdom and blessing in saving sex for marriage, have entered a period of "secondary virginity" in their lives. That is, they have committed to abstaining from sexual activity from this point in their lives forward. Many have developed plans to avoid the temptation of lust and premarital sex and have gathered supportive people around them to help them fulfill their goals for a healthy and happy future. Even though we have all made mistakes in the past, those mistakes do not have to define our present or determine our future. We are still in control of the choices we make today, choices which will shape our lives in the future.

To find out more about "secondary virginity," click here.

¹ The National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy, 14 and Younger, The Sexual Behavior of Young Adolescents (Washington, DC: The National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy: May, 2003). Available at http://www.teenpregnancy.org/resources/reading/pdf/14summary.PDF, accessed January 23, 2007.

² National Center for Health Statistics, Births: Final Data for 2002, National Vital Statistics Reports (Hyattsville, MD: National Center for Health Statistics, US Dept of Health and Human Services; 2003), 2003: 52(10). Available at: http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/nvsr/nvsr52/nvsr52_10.pdf, accessed January 23, 2007.

³ Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, Abortion Surveillance - United States, 2000 (Atlanta, GA: Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, US Dept of Health and Human Services, 2003), MMWR 2003: 52(SS-12). Available at: http://www.cdc.gov/mmwr/PDF/SS/SS5212.pdf, accessed January 23, 2007.

⁴ Coley R. L., Chase-Lansdale P. L., Adolescent Pregnancy and Parenthood: Recent Evidence and Future Directions, American Psychologist 53(2) (1998), 152-166.

⁵ US General Accounting Office, Teen Mothers: Selected Socio-Demographic Characteristics and Risk Factors (Washington, DC: US General Accounting Office; June 1998), GAO/HEHS-98-141. Available at: http://www.hi-ho.ne.jp/taku77/refer/teenmo.pdf, accessed January 23, 2007.

⁶ Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, Sexually Transmitted Disease Surveillance, 2004 (Atlanta, GA: U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, September 2005). Available at http://www.cdc.gov./std/stats/trends2004.htm, accessed on January 22, 2007.

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